- 1st
- 11:57 pm
I work like I drink... alone! Or with a monkey watching me.
- 18 comments
Tags:
- 2nd
- 11:53 pm
Oh Lord, I know I should not eat thee, but...
- 16 comments
Tags:
- 3rd
- 11:21 pm
Well, I acquired it legally. You can be sure of that.
- 8 comments
Tags:
- 4th
- 11:53 pm
Then I got this scar sneaking under the door of a pay toilet
- 14 comments
Tags:
- 5th
- 11:49 pm
Since you've attended public schools, I'm going to assume you're already proficient with small arms
- 4 comments
- 6th
- 11:52 pm
So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
- 24 comments
- 7th
- 11:51 pm
Brandine! We're feuding with the Escobars again!
- 6 comments
- 8th
- 11:51 pm
If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
- 9 comments
- 9th
- 11:52 pm
I shouldn’t have served those North Korean fortune cookies, they were so insulting.
- 8 comments
- 10th
- 11:56 pm
Police say the fake Pope can be easily recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth
- 2 comments
Tags:
- 11th
- 11:48 pm
Here I am all depressed, when I'm surrounded by the happiest people in the world, writers.
- 7 comments
- 12th
- 03:31 pm
Sucker! Competitive violence! That's why you're here!
Tags:
- 13th
- 12:43 am
Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
- 14th
- 11:21 pm
To the panic room store!
- 8 comments
Tags:
- 15th
- 11:55 pm
Diamonds... because money equals love.
- 16th
- 10:59 pm
D'oh
Tags:
- 17th
- 11:57 pm
There's a four-thirty in the morning now?
- 4 comments
- 18th
- 11:47 pm
We'll see who stabs who.
- 4 comments
- 19th
- 11:50 pm
Don't worry, head. The computer will do all the thinking from now on.
- 6 comments
- 20th
- 11:49 pm
Some call it the dog that never sleeps, though it actually does -- while jogging!
- 8 comments
- 21st
- 11:59 pm
Take it like a man, boy, and do everything your sister says.
- 4 comments
- 22nd
- 11:29 pm
I'm getting blue pants in the morning, ding dong, the zipper's gonna shine!
- 2 comments
- 23rd
- 11:49 pm
I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
- 2 comments
Tags:
- 24th
- 05:41 pm
I may have gotten naughty this year, but by today's standards, naughty's nothing!
- 2 comments
Tags:
- 25th
- 10:52 pm
And did you know that little baby Jesus... grew up to be.. Jesus?
- 4 comments
Tags:
- 26th
- 11:35 pm
Then, on his eighteenth birthday, he was blown up in a silo explosion
- 27th
- 10:46 pm
Daddy's watching a very important mid-Atlantic hockey league conference semifinal do-over game.
- 2 comments
- 28th
- 11:52 pm
One, they don't have beaks, two, they don't have feathers, and three, they're lizards.
- 4 comments
- 29th
- 06:17 pm
You? Why would you like me? No girls like me! Are you wearing a wire?
- 3 comments
- 30th
- 10:30 pm
Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.
- 4 comments
- 31st
- 06:20 pm
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
- 2 comments
Tags:
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